


Non, rien de rien

by ishime



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series)
Genre: Gen, Team Rocket is taken seriously, the execs are psychos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-11
Updated: 2012-11-11
Packaged: 2017-11-18 10:25:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/559991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ishime/pseuds/ishime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Even if they haven't shared a single word since they've been caught, it's a contest to see who can find the most insulting way to show that no, they regret absolutely nothing."</p><p>After the second fall of Team Rocket, Lance leads the trial of the four executives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Non, rien de rien

**Disclaimer :** Pokemon belongs to Tajiri Satoshi and Nintendo.  
 **Warning:**  
The execs being _horrible_ people. And somewhat scary.  
 **Notes :**  
Written for a prompt on [](http://plateau-indigo.livejournal.com/profile)[**plateau_indigo**](http://plateau-indigo.livejournal.com/)'s [last Anon Meme](http://plateau-indigo.livejournal.com/1073.html) :  
 _A member of Team Rocket - Je ne regrette rien_  
The quote ("I regret nothing") was explicitly referring to French song [Non, je ne regrette rien](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsKgXZHofRo), by Edith Piaf (which English-speakers probably know as the pre-kick song in Inception), HENCE PETREL.  
Cross-posted on [**pokegamefic**](http://pokegamefic.livejournal.com) (LJ), [**pokefics**](http://pokefics.livejournal.com) (LJ) and [**pokefics**](http://pokefics.dreamwidth.org) (DW).  
  
  
Lance likes his champion title. It earns him respect, admiration, a very comfortable income and it allows him to meddle in whatever he pleases.  
Sometimes, he hates it a little, too. Like when he has to listen to one testimony on Team Rocket's crimes after the other, before he can send its four small-time bosses rotting in jail. Or when he has to offer them the occasion to defend themselves.  
  
Even if they haven't shared a single word since they've been caught, it's a contest to see who can find the most insulting way to show that no, they regret _absolutely nothing_.  
  
  
  
Lance makes a glaring mistake in starting with the joker of the group.  
Everything seems off to a good start: Petrel lets the guards walk him to the dock without any jibbing, sits obediently where he's told to, doesn't make a sound during the champion's statement...  
  
"The court decided to uphold against you the charges of criminal conspiracy, of dangerous use of explosion in a building, of destruction of private property by means of explosion, of attacking people through pokemons, of extortion and of impersonation. Do you have anything to say for yourself before the court returns a verdict?"  
  
Petrel stands up, takes a deep breath and begins to sing, in a splendid tenor.  
"Nooooon, rien de rieeeeen..."  
  
Behind the collar of his cape, Lance chokes.  
  
  
  
Next is the woman.  
Ariana drives her guardians back with a few strokes of her perfectly manicured nails, examines the audience with as much arrogance as humanly possible and sits on the dock with her back to them.  
  
Lance soldiers on:  
"The court decided to uphold against you the charges of criminal conspiracy, of organizing threats and attacks through pokemons, extortion, experimentation and cruelty on wild pokemons, of breaking and entering, of attacks through pokemons with assault and battery on both humans and pokemons. Do you have anything to say for yourself before the court returns a verdict?"  
  
Ariana sighs in exasperation.  
"I don't argue with idiots."  
  
Lance slowly rubs his temples to keep his self-control.  
  
  
  
Now, to the psychopaths.  
Lance gives all pretense of objectivity, and starts with the one he finds less sickening.  
  
Even handcuffed, Proton manages to send two policemen to the infirmary before he's strapped to the chair. He snarls furiously at Peter, who might find it funny if only he didn't know what Proton is capable of.  
"The court decided to uphold against you the charges of criminal conspiracy, group pokemon theft, threats through pokemons, mutilation of pokemons and concealment," Lance recites, forcing himself to hide his disgust. "Do you have anything to say for yourself before the court returns a verdict?"  
  
The flood of threats that follows is detailed enough to make half the faces of the audience turn chalk white.  
  
  
  
Finally comes the turn of the last one.  
Archer walks ahead of his guardians, calmly settles in the chair and stares at Lance with a grimace of polite boredom.  
  
"The court decided to uphold against you the charges of criminal conspiracy, of organizing theft, threats through pokemons, pokemon mutilation, concealment, extortion and destruction of private property..."  
The list goes on for a few minutes, until its ominous conclusion : "Do you have anything to say for yourself before the court returns a verdict?"  
  
Archer smiles.  
Without a word, he casts a cold, amused blue eye on the audience.  
  
Lance feels a cold sweat running down his spine.


End file.
